Too Much of a Good Thing
It's not that I don't love playing music live... I do. Probably the best high an artist can have is the immediate and intense gratification of a crowd who is actually enjoying and listening to your music. We put our whole hearts into it, I swear. And who knows if anyone is taking me/us/you seriously....seriously.
So I am going to be honest about what I think and have thought for a long time about being a musician.
I started playing an instrument at 7. That is the same time I started writing music and lyrics. They were about trees...and cats, and all the other things a first grader would write about. I had a lyric book diary and an illustrated version as well. These are most likely with the rest of my childhood crap in my mom's storage barn.
I started making album art by 9. (for my actual super lame 9 year old tapes).
I was in my first "band" by 13.
Played my first "gig" by 15.
Played my first open mic at 17.
*procreated a bunch
Played my first solo show at 28.
Played in first duo at 29 (The West).
Played first actual paying gig at 32.
Went to record first album but never followed through because (see below)
changed duo name to Violent Bear because these guys were already super popular
* more procreating
Submitted music catalogue and was rejected repeatedly (like shit tons) by publishing companies.
Submitted music catalogue and was rejected repeatedly (like shit tons) by publishing companies.
Made new album at 36.
Started playing live to support said album.
Ok we have made it to present day!!!
For those of you still reading....here are some dancing cat people.
Recently playing shows has been a bit....not really disappointing, but sort of disenchanting.(that is a word right?)
Recently playing shows has been a bit....not really disappointing, but sort of disenchanting.(that is a word right?)
I have seriously played with some of the best, most dynamic, most interesting, and intensely fun bands I have ever heard. That is a luxury every musician craves. It has been a huge fill to my personal well that had honestly been running a bit dry as of late. I am the ultimate fan kid and am not even kind of embarrassed about it (I lOVE merch and will buy your album!). But here is the thing...
Playing out is a bunch of work. Promoting is a bunch of work. Setting up and breaking down? Work....and it has always been the kind of work I love. I mean it. I love making flyers and merch. It is just another avenue that I can travel down as an artist....and we have always sort of called playing out our "date nights". That is kind of cool too.
But recently it has just been too much of a good thing. Maybe I am going about it wrong or maybe I am just kind of old and not wanting to just do music just for fun....but honestly, and that is the thing about my blog is that I try to keep it honest.....Honestly, it has been a major blow to my creative self to try to share my music when I am not sure there is a market for it.
So here is the thing...I think we over played...and either under or over valued our music...I am not sure. Kansas City is a market saturated with amazing musicians.... every night of the week you can walk into a venue and it can be magical. I mean it. And every single one of those acts whether a full band or a solo and everything in-between just wants to share their art.
But at what cost?
And here is the ugly side of it, it costs money to make an album. Equipment and repair and maintenance....merch, hard copies, websites, time and energy, promotion....and I truly believe every one of us goes into it excited and guns a'blazing...and we love to play. We aren't in it for the money. I LOVE TO PLAY! And even though I am in my core an artist...well, I don't want to work for free or...in the red.
I need a break.
When my lifeblood is "lovingly" referred to as an "expensive hobby" I need a break.
When I quit knowing how to get people into the door, I need a break.
When I forget why I have been doing this for so long...break.
I have always been a multi-tasker. I have a million kids and house and husband and dogs and schools and work and blah blah blah. So music for me has always had to fit into that. But, for now, I am giving it a back seat. Taking the summer off and getting a fresh perspective.
I never want to stop loving music and I never want to quit making it. But maybe right now I am part of the problem. Who knows, it's my blog and I cry if I want to....heheheehehehehe.....not actually crying.
Playing out is a bunch of work. Promoting is a bunch of work. Setting up and breaking down? Work....and it has always been the kind of work I love. I mean it. I love making flyers and merch. It is just another avenue that I can travel down as an artist....and we have always sort of called playing out our "date nights". That is kind of cool too.
But recently it has just been too much of a good thing. Maybe I am going about it wrong or maybe I am just kind of old and not wanting to just do music just for fun....but honestly, and that is the thing about my blog is that I try to keep it honest.....Honestly, it has been a major blow to my creative self to try to share my music when I am not sure there is a market for it.
So here is the thing...I think we over played...and either under or over valued our music...I am not sure. Kansas City is a market saturated with amazing musicians.... every night of the week you can walk into a venue and it can be magical. I mean it. And every single one of those acts whether a full band or a solo and everything in-between just wants to share their art.
But at what cost?
And here is the ugly side of it, it costs money to make an album. Equipment and repair and maintenance....merch, hard copies, websites, time and energy, promotion....and I truly believe every one of us goes into it excited and guns a'blazing...and we love to play. We aren't in it for the money. I LOVE TO PLAY! And even though I am in my core an artist...well, I don't want to work for free or...in the red.
I need a break.
When my lifeblood is "lovingly" referred to as an "expensive hobby" I need a break.
When I quit knowing how to get people into the door, I need a break.
When I forget why I have been doing this for so long...break.
I have always been a multi-tasker. I have a million kids and house and husband and dogs and schools and work and blah blah blah. So music for me has always had to fit into that. But, for now, I am giving it a back seat. Taking the summer off and getting a fresh perspective.
I never want to stop loving music and I never want to quit making it. But maybe right now I am part of the problem. Who knows, it's my blog and I cry if I want to....heheheehehehehe.....not actually crying.
