Hail the Conquering Hero

Hail the Conquering Hero

Ass kicked. That is what I feel after 16 plus years of parenting first one and now a full household of 7 children. Tired, confused, humbled, rewarded....but mainly I have just had my ass kicked. And not in that inspirational way you get after working with a personal trainer for an hour. 

Now before I get accused of being a Grumpy Gail (made that one up), let's be perfectly clear here. 16 plus years. 7 kids.

I don't think I have slept through the night since Beck was born. I know I haven't showered or closed the bathroom door to use the toilet without at least one of them needing something that could not possibly wait another second. Please please can you put in the password to the Internet while you pee mom!!! There is no way Minecraft will still be there if you don't! 

Multitasking is a 24 hour a day requirement and without fail things slip like water through the cracks. Often they are no big deal, but there have been some doozies. There was that one time we forgot Keegan was on a date and locked him out of the house and went to bed (and turned our phones on silent), whoops. He ended up sleeping on the couch at his girlfriend's house and at 6:30 the next morning I showed up there tail between my legs with a box full of donuts. I have received the occasional phone call about field trip slips and missing reading logs. And sometimes semi-important school events are not really in my top ten things to remember at 6 AM. See below.  (Cooper's homemade wresting t-shirt with the words Southern Bell Ringer boldly written in marker that somehow became the look of choice for Picture Day! And yes, that would be fake blood.)

I have taken to using disinfectant wipes to clean my entire house...each and every surface! I forget to pack lunches or I pack lunches with things that are clearly not lunch food, sometimes clean underwear are misplaced at the bottom of the dirty laundry basket (weird), and dinners this week have included chicken nuggets, (they were organic, ) corndog nuggets (they weren't)and endless bags of frozen broccoli.... because it really does go with everything.

I would be lying if I said I never wondered (in the voice of Job Bluth) if I had made a Huge Mistake...Having such a large brood, I mean, who does that nowadays? 
That would be me and all my kids above.^

The one thing I have always done as a parent is be present. Sometimes they didn't want me present and they have let me know (I can be embarrassing, shrug). Sometimes I have been resentful of having to always be present and they could tell and that has made me feel a real schmuck. There were even times when being present brought a lot of heartache and grief. Being present really does wear you down, it is so easy to lose sight of why you do what you do as a parent. Eye on the prize as it goes, but what if you can't see the damn trophy!

This is what I have learned so far.

I love the saying "you made the bed now you must lie in it".  I think it has been turned into an idiom that describes accepting that you must suffer the consequences of a past mistake.

Wrong. I think it means I have groomed and polished, paid attention to detail and used a gentle hand in anticipation that it will pay off and I will get to enjoy it later.
I made the bed (and had my ass kicked in the process) and I will get the benefit of enjoying and observing all the things these kids will have to offer the world. Honestly, my job doesn't ever seem to get any easier, but every day it becomes more clear. So keep it coming life, I can take the hits.
(sings) All Hail the Conquering Hero.

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Since this is my blog I figured I would start with a top 10 list. I love top 10 lists and believe they are a great way to figure out whether or not someone sucks and if you ever ever want to spend more time getting to know them. Top 10s have the ability to sum up a person pretty succinctly. I also do this to give everyone an easy way out if they decide never to click on my blog again....all you have to say is "Man, Tammy has terrible taste in men".....and no one will question you, ever. Promise. So here goes. 

my Top 10 Crushes Growing Up

Counting down from sweet sweet number 10.....

10. Lou Diamond Phillips. Young Guns was pretty much life changing for me as a kid. Hot cowboy runaway outlaws sticking it to the man and breaking all the rules. Not one of them could hold a candle to bitter knife throwing Chaves in my 9 year old heart. The first cut (crush) is the deepest. And in case you need some theme music I have provided Blaze of Glory by Jon Bon Jovi click----> (so hot)....

9. Atreyu. Yes I know Areyu didn't actually exist and I really don't give a crap.....I also don't care what the actors name is...he is Atreyu from Never Ending Story, and man did I cry when his horse Artax died. If I was his horse I would have lived.

8. Donnie Wahlberg....well....every girl I knew from the late 80's and very early 90's had a crush on at least one member of New Kids on the Block for a time. Mine was bad boy Donnie Wahlberg...so so tough...Note the clover on his jacket. My youngest daughter has the name Clover...coincidence? Well yes, but now I fell like he and I maybe really did have a genuine connection!

7. Kirk Cameron....cool sweet older brother of everyones favorite family sitcom Growing Pains. Man he was pretty much perfection in the form a a cheesy pastel wearing teenage boy. This picture below was actually poster sized and hanging on the back of my bedroom door in 4th grade. I bought it at the ST.Therese book fair for 99 cents. He was eventually usurped in my heart by another hottie of Titanic boy beauty, playing a homeless kid on Cameron's own domain...sorry. The heart is a fickle thing.  

6. Leonardo DiCaprio. Can you blame me? Look at that face! And he was all alone on the show! I don't feel like I need to explain this one at all.

5. Bill Murray. Ghost Busters Bill Murray started it all for me and Bill. Why was he so awesome? As a young girl I could never place it...he was gross, weird, rude, foul, obnoxious....and AWESOME! I wonder what happened to him?

4. Anthony Kiedis. Front man to the Red Hot CHili Peppers.....Man I LOVED that band! Still do actually, but Blood Sugar Sex Magik with it's not for kids explicit sticker....that album didn't hold a candle in my mind to seeing Anthony running without a shirt on in the video for Under the Bridge. He should never, ever have to feel like his only friend.(you should click at 4:27)---> no shirt here

3. Christian Slater in the movie Heathers.....he was crazy! And hot....even his voice was hot. So hot in fact that he did the voice over for Pips (awesome bug riding fairy) in Fern Gully.I was young enough to still watch cartoons when he came into my life.

2. Johnny Depp...this is a post 21 Jump Street pre Willie Wonka childhood crush...Oh pensive Gilbert Grape/Don Juan Demarco, lover of women combo with a pinch of Sam from Benny and Joon. This crush was bad, my friends. Very very bad. He also had his own theme song--->"Every woman is a mystery to be solved."-Don Juan Demarco

1. Kurt Cobain. And of coarse he was my number one childhood crush! Why wouldn't he be! Look at him! The unwashed hair, the grunge era clothes, the constant cigarette companion! I still can listen to the entire Bleach album during a good drive. The voice of an angel.

So there you have it. My Top 10 childhood crushes. Feel free to hang out and remember what it was like to be crushed. 

Obituary

Obituary

Obituary. What a word right. I mean, this is tangible evidence of your death. Your life, written out...by someone else. So this whole blog idea started with my obituary. 

this is a picture of me dead.^

A crane. Landlocked. Stephen (husband) says that this is actually a Blue Herring. Either way, this is a water bird stuck in my field getting ready to die.

Ok. For the record I am not actually dying right now.I am also not a crane. It is a visual metaphor.  I always joked (not really) that I wanted to be cremated and dusted into an urn painted like the cover of Led Zeppelin's second album and put on a rotating schedule to be displayed on each of my children's mantle like one of those traveling art shows. Then I wanted to be cremated into diamonds. It can be done. http://www.lifegem.com/ 

All of these most fantastic things in death would be for nigh if no one actually knew who I was in life. Who would write my obituary? Would it be one of my kids? Would it even be very good? Then to my horror I wondered if any of my kids really knew me at all. What about others that I love and care about. Would someone write a mediocre one size fits all 3 paragraph life story that forgot to highlight all the things that I think define me? 

So I started writing my own obituary. I guess this is both a little vain and a little morbid, but I was making myself pretty awesome. No really. After a while though something started to gnaw at me. I was writing this out because I sort of felt like I was actually fading away. Who was I anyhow? A mom? A wife? A caged animal? Why couldn't I just settle down, calm down? Why did I run so hard for so long? Why were my feet always itching to get away still? My life is good, I know it is. This will sound super cliche' but I started wondering if I even knew who I was at all. Did I even have a purpose? So now, after starting something I thought was going to help others to "get" me I was forcing me to "get" me. Lame.

So this blog will be a tale of sorts...no rhyme or reason to the posts. I will dabble in my past and enjoy my present. I will give the truths as I see them which will be about 75% real and 25% real awesome. I don't know if that is the purpose of a blog, but for me and my story it will have to do. So welcome! Join me while I am Anchored in Roam.