That's a Wrap

 

After 5 and a half years....Stephen finished his last final in his last coarse for his degree in electrical engineering and computer something rather... He did this while maintaining a full time job, taking care of 7 kids and as of right now, a couple of houses. It was long, grueling, and tested us several times along the way.

After it is all said and done, he came home with flowers for me and said "thank you for always supporting him...."

and I got him this t-shirt...

(It seemed like a good idea when I ordered it)

Well, we love you Stephen!

That's a wrap.

We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

We're Going to Need a Bigger Boat

As a parent I think we spend a lot of time wondering if we are doing things right. Or maybe that is just me. As much as it pains me to say it, in recent months, I have become overwhemed. Shit has hit me from every direction. Where I usually keep a cool head, I had found myself full of stress and worry, second guessing every action and sure that missing Winter Extravaganza at the Elemenary school or failing to run the 5 K with  Piper would irriversable fuck them up for life. Maybe it has, or maybe, just maybe, for the first time in my parenting career......I was in over my head....on a sinking ship...if you will. 

Just like everyone else in the world...I have my own amount of pride, but the pressure had become to much. I was anxious and stressed. I wasn't sleeping and my hands and back and joints hurt all the time (a side effect of stress)...I couldn't open jars and holding my guitar frets down was too painful. Then my chest started to hurt on and off and I realized...I needed help. 

I made an appointment with my doc and was medicated with an anti depressant. It has helped amazingly...thank heavens because what came next couldn't have been handled without it.

My son was arrested. Now I  only share this (without detail except to say that it wasn't a violent crime) because it is what has made me reevaluate life completely....it is his story to tell some day, but because everyone knows...and even the youngest of my children have been forced to answer to teachers and peers due to this event, I state that is has become a catalyst for change. 

You know the iconic scene in JAWS when Deputy Brody and Matt Hooper (Sheider and Dryfuss) are out in the water and they finally see the shark...and Brody, with that stunned look of disbelief on his face, realizes the problem shark is much larger than the boat he brought to tackle it.   

All he can say, cigarette in mouth is "We're going to need a bigger boat".... well...that is how I felt to a tee.

IN OVER MY HEAD ....

As a parent of a teenage boy, there are a lot of calls I expect to receive at some point or another.

Mom, I tried drugs.

Mom, I am drunk at this party can you come get me.

Mom, I slept with my girlfriend.

Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant.

Mom, I got caught cheating on a test.

Mom, my girlfriend is actually a boyfriend.

Mom, I wrecked the car.

Mom, I don't want to go to college.

Mom, I am going to travel the country following the Phish tour.

Mom, I think i want to be a professional skate boarder.

all reasonable....what I wasn't prepared for was a call that said...

Mom, I have been arrested....then a detective telling me he was taking my son downtown.

It broke me into silence. I didn't even have the capacity to ask questions.

Here's the funny thing about life.

Good news moves at a snails pace. But bad news, bad news my friends, has wings on the wind.

It wasn't long at all before the phone calls and text messages started. What can you do?

So we have hunkered down. Done all we can for now and are sitting in limbo. You cancel your dates and take up family game night. You ask more questions about school days and best friends. You give haircuts and read more books, hold more hands and offer more "I love yous". What else is there to do when it is completely out of your hands.

This is where I would usually make a joke about how "I fought the law and the law won"....

hell, why not. 

I like to tell my kids daily, especially when they complain, that they are not victims. They are the owners of their destiny. We all choose our paths...sometimes we choose wisely. Just like Indiana Jones we drink from the right cup.

 

other times....well, there is just hell to pay.

But at least my eldest won't have to pay with his soul.

Now all joking aside, it does feel like we are moving through slush right now. Our feet fighting suction and muck to take every little step forward. But plod on we will. A unit, though small. Our little tribe. And though it hurt and we all feel betrayed in our own way, I think we all have started to realize, that it isn't personal. It really isn't about us at all. Every one in the world that ever has been and ever will be is given free will from the moment they are born. Some have it stolen...but here in this house...we make our choices. Right or wrong. Then we pay for them. We are not victims.

We will always need a bigger boat...but we nine, we will row as one. Better or Worse.

that is just what family does.