10 Things that Made Being a Kid Awesome

10 Things that Made Being a Kid Awesome

Being a kid in the 80's and early 90's was pretty much super rad. Somehow time, style, music and everything else sweet was all crammed into this tiny 10 year decade (plus a few). So here's to my childhood (pop) culture and proof that as an 80's kid.....

1. TV Shows.
Not that TV shows aren't cool now. I am sure there are some great ones out there. But when I was a kid, I think I seriously learned most of life's most important lessons from the family TV. So here is the breakdown of shit we all need to know, as taught to me by 80's/90's TV.

He taught me the importance of reading and using my imagination....but you don't have to take my word for it!

He taught me it was cool to be smart!

He taught me to be kind and considerate, to think with my heart as well as my head.

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."
-Fred Rogers

These 2 taught me about love.

so did these 2.

These kids taught me the importance of friendship.

She made me cool.

she pretty much explained it all.....

so did he...

(and he made basketball seem super rad)

2. Outdoor sports rocked... and we all totally wished we were from California...no surfing or trick bike riding for me, but Gleaming the Cube really lit a spark....thanks Hollywood!

3. Mixed Tapes! Oh the beautiful mixed tape....recorded directly from the radio station 104.3 onto my Casio boom box duel cassette player!!! I made mixed tapes for dancing! Mixed tapes for by best friends. Mixed tapes to listen to when I was chillin' out. Mixed tapes to make my parents listen to in their car.....even the SECRET MIXED TAPE for boy un-named. It was never so personal or so perfect in music then when you made a new mixed tape! The hours of struggle to record it just right, the huge decision about what order the songs should play to create the ultimate listening experience!

check it

4. Wonder Bread. 

No seriously...am I the only one that remembers when our parents fed us Wonder Bread with peanut butter and grape jelly or bologna and cheese paired with a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll, and an apple....like pretty much every day for the entire summer? 
and I ate it in this...

 with THESE......

Was this not super awesome to anyone else? I think the organic mom movement would burn me witch hunt style if I did this with my kids in today's freak feeding acceptability plan.....it was so great!!! No carb counting, or sugar over load....why??? Because we were Outside!!!! Which brings me to number 5...

5. Sun up to Sun down. 
Time frame in which we were outside. Everyday. Doing AWESOME things!

like this

and this

and this

that's my old neighborhood^^^^^

and this (go coves)

and this

and everything else we could get away with!

and I did it all on a model of this exact bike

because I was a Huffy Dream Girl! 

(note the cool basket! it had flowers on it)

(I got a mountain bike in 6th grade, but it just wasn't the same)

And the best part is no one was ever worried about us because we traveled in a pack...like wolves...or probably more like stray dogs. It was so great.

6. Michael Jordan....

because he gave us Air Jordans 

this t shirt...(we all had it)

and finally Space Jam (though that came at the tail end).

but we won't mention baseball...unless it is about Bo...

7. Hyper Color and Umbros with Electric Youth and plastic charms

It was so AWESOME! (for about 4 washes)It was like proof you had a close encounter of the first(base) kind! I never ever got to test the theory, but I totally held my hands on my boobs for 10 seconds so that there would be prints left behind and congratulated myself on how awesome I would be if I ever made out with anyone....like so cool....paired with these babies...

because nothing says fashion like baggy shorts made of parachute material...

and I smelled like a dream thanks to Debbie Gibson!

and always had this on...

totally still wish I had kept the necklace.

8. Monthly Winnwood Wednesday School Skating Parties

Man...best weeknight every month. We had 2 whole hours of mingling, couple skates, reverse skate, and so much more. I think it was 3 bucks and that included our skate rental! I looked forward to this night so much! I didn't even mind the blisters and the sore feet the poorly fitting skates inflicted! So much fun!

9. Scary Movies....

the awesome horror films that were released in the 80's and 90's were some of the most gory, most cheesy, most entertaining cinema ever....who came up with these ideas....and them made so so many sequels? (besides Stephen King) As a kid I spent countless hours watching these films, interpreting them, picking them apart and re-enacting them! Some of the best memories ever.

super scary demonic puppets...and leeches...the leeches really stuck with me.

 then there was his hand

his head

this guy's...well, all of this guy

though thank you for introducing me to Johnny Depp

I hate clowns

it's teeth

(though a 70's flick, it was still very very scary)

this guy was terrifying

I have never said his name 5 times...ever

"if you love me...you will let me eat your brain"...

his theme music

(I don't do camps)

And there are so many many more...

10. Concession Stands and Ice Cream Trucks

I know that I am not the only one that would rummage through the house seeking loose change to bring with me to the pool or when I heard the magical tune that the ice cream truck made! For 25 cents you could get a small candy feast in the 80's! tootsie rolls and bubble gum for a nickel (loved green apple)! Suckers and tiny boxes of nerds for a dime, and for a quarter you could get one licorice rope or a standard looking Popsicle in an array of colors! Amazing stuff! If you combined finances with someone you really trusted then you could get a soda or a candy bar...but you really had to trust them because a lot of these treats were not easy to share.

 They were always a bit better with the smell of chlorine in the air and the humidity that made melting fast and sticky!

So here's to you childhood! You rocked!(pop-rocked that is)!

Thanks for taking the flashback with me! I may never be young again, but I will always be a kid at heart!

top 10 songs that define me

Top 10 Songs that Define Me

I think everyone has a top 10 play list (or lists). I mean, really, they are the best of the best of the soundtrack to your life! I love music. It is always on in my house and holds a high priority on the needs/wants spending list every month when it come to newly released albums, concert t-shirts and tickets, and downloads on itunes. My husband gave me a Spanish guitar a few years back and on the case he wrote the quote:  

"If music be the food of love, play on"....

-William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

Unfortunately, he wrote it in black permanent marker on a black case, but I memorized it. I think it every time I open up any of my instrument cases.

  

So here is my top 10 play list that helped define me...in no particular order. Feel free to post yours in the comment section and I will share those as well! Music is a best when it is shared!

Just. Press. Play.

10. Let Down, by Radiohead. And though the song title sounds a bit dreary (the lyrics are as well), it is actually musically one of the most uplifting songs to me. I love Radiohead and OK Computer was life changing for a lot of us. I have always felt like this song is best listened to ultra loud. Once you get to the last of the crescendos if stirs something in your gut that makes you feel like you can over come anything! Thom Yorke's voice all layered like that is beyond beautiful.

let down<--click here

(additional info) Even though OK Computer came out when I was 18 I didn't really really love this song until I was working as a barista in Pensacola,  Florida for just above minimum wage at the local coffee house, et' Cafe. Every night that I had to close I would put this song on full blast and imagine myself expanding into some better version of me....I always came home to our little bungalow full of small children content.

(other additional info) For the record, every person I worked with at that coffee house was incredible. I still keep in contact with almost all of them and feel like no other group of people influenced my adult views more than they did. So here's to you et' Cafe. And sorry Gio for making you listen to this so much.

9. Coast of Marseilles, by Jimmy Buffett. Ok. I know a lot of you are going to judge me for this one....but seriously give it a listen. I love me a good sad love song. It is super old school and off of his Son of a Son of a Sailor album which was a late 70's release. That being said, the album came into my 90's midwesterner hands at age 14. For the record...it is all my parents fault. They started taking me to Florida every summer and all of the sudden I was filled with this longing that I couldn't explain but somehow, this song was like a salve.

Actually, my sense of style was greatly influenced by the feel a lot of his songs created... and worn out jeans, flip flops and tank tops are still the go-to look for me.

Coast of Marseilles<--click here

(additional info) In 1992 the box set called Boats, Beaches, Bars, and Ballads came out. I bought it in 1993 at the music store in the mall and kept the CD's on heavy rotation during the winter to stave off the blues. I still do this.

8. Sweet Jane, Cowboy Junkies. In 1994 Natural Born Killers was released. I had to sneak into this movie at the theater with a purchased ticket to Forrest Gump. Hearing this Velvet Underground song breathily (<---not sure that is a word) covered by Margo Timmins punctuated by hollow guitar made me feel something I had never felt before. I think the word would be sensual but at the time it was more like the feeling you get when the breeze is a bit too cool but you forgot your jacket so your arm hair keeps standing up forcing you to shiver every little bit. Many will say that a cover can never be as good as the original, but for me this isn't even the same song Lou Reed sang.

sweet jane<click here

(additional info) I don't know think the movie was half as good as the soundtrack, which I think was actually pretty incredible. And for music purists here is the original.  sweet jane Velvet Underground

7. Bad Town, Operation Ivy. I started my punk phase in about 8th grade. I liked hardcore, but preferred the style that had the throwback roots of early rock. This was my favorite punk song (long live Cali punk!). There will be many many many of you who will say this isn't punk but ska, I agree, sort of. This was a beautiful blend and I love the entire album. (So does GOGO)! This whole time in my life was a technicolor dream of hair dye, Anarchy t-shirts, skateboards, Vans, and local shows!  

bad town<--click here

(additional information) I did not go through this part of my life alone. Strangely, many of us in the mid 90's sort of discovered punk in a swarm and KC music scene was pretty darn cool. Westport has never been as sweet since.

6. Wake Up, Arcade Fire....Wow! Where do I begin. The first time I heard the Funeral album in 2005 was in the car (named Miranda, it was red) of one of my kindred souls, Cat (silly traveling vagabond). It was so different than the music I was listening to at the time. It rocked my world, in a good way! I played that album on repeat for months. This song is the best of the best when it come to anthems...seriously...the opening guitar rift lights a fire in you that makes you feel like you can take on the world...while dancing your ass off. It was the one song that could make my angry little Beck arch his back and primal scream with joy. To hear this song live is beyond moving. 

wake up<--click here

(additional info) Arcade Fire is seriously like one of the best bands of our generation...they are both musically beyond words and awesome  as humans.  So awesome in fact, that if you bug them enough they will let you work with their charity Arcade Fire <3 Haiti check it....and give you tickets to their concert....and let you be a part of the show. So for your viewing pleasure...check out the Reflector Tour KC pics!)

Opening Number...SWEET

5.  Take a Chance on Me, ABBA. I am not even kind of embarrassed about this....(well, maybe a bit). Here's the deal. My mom was an aerobics instructor while I was growing up so she was always listening to dance music to choreograph her routines. She LOVED ABBA. We listened to it all the time. Everywhere. While cleaning, in the car, at her studio. It never stopped. ABBA is forever embedded in my psyche. Then I had one of the best friends a girl could ask for in high school. She loved dancing as much as I did. She had an Erasure tape that was nothing but ABBA covers. BEST TAPE EVER! We spent countless friday nights at a nightclub called Pogo's and every time we drove there we listened to the Erasure tape. We were pretty fly dancers (just sayin) and had some of the best 90's pleather dance getups ever.

take a chance<--click here

(additional info) I never saw the Mama Mia musical or movie.  Not really sure why, except that I am afraid it will usurp  the memories ABBA already lives in in my mind. And it looked sort of lame.

4.Going to California, Led Zeppelin. It is really hard for me to pick a single LZ song as I still feel like most all of them are pretty much amazing! This song and all it's lyrics really hit home for me. It's like this song was made to be roamed to. I would sit in my room and listen to this song on repeat in 7th grade dreaming of my cross-country adventures that were only a few years away. I never took those adventures...actually, I have never even been to California, but my son Beck has the middle name California. When asked why, I always respond that "California has always sounded like it would be pretty cool." My husband was there just last month. He said it was, indeed. Actually, once I realized I was a long way off from doing just about anything, I started giving my children States for middle names so they would strike out and see something. My time will come.

going to california <--click here

(additional info) The first time I ever heard this song was on vinyl. Seriously. (jealous) I will never forget it. I was sitting in my friends basement and her step dad has the most AH-mazing record collection ever....including tiny memorabilia like bumper stickers, old news paper clips, pictures, grade cards, letters and the occasional pot leaf tucked in among them. I learned  a lot about music in that basement, and fell in love with Led.

3. Hello Again, Neil Diamond. Man, I love Neil Diamond. Like...so much. When I was a kid my dad came home from a business trip with a Neil Diamond the Jazz Singer Piano sheet music book...(well they came home on the same day). I don't know why. I don't even know if he got it on the business trip. I actually don't even know if it was for me, but I claimed it. The only song he ever wanted me to play was Hello Again. So I learned it and made it better (to me) with my own twist and style. I was in 5th grade when I really remember him sitting down and actually singing the song. He did it in all seriousness and that was the first time I think I ever really saw my dad as more than just....well......my dad. He loved that song. I am sure he still does, but maybe not in the way you do when you are young.
hello again<--click here 

(additional info) Coming to America was also in this soundtrack. If you ever want to sing an epic song that get the crown involved...sing Coming to America during a karaoke outing....someone will buy you a drink. I promise.

2. If I could Only Fly, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson. I love Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson and their Texas Country style. The delivery and phrasing can capture images in your mind as well as the best story teller. I mean, I love this song. Funny thing....neither of these gents wrote this. It was written by the late (great) Blaze Foley. This song carries a priceless memory in my heart.....If I could only fly....

if I could only fly<--click here

(additional info) These 2 men are about perfection to me. Even as a kid I wanted to be like them.  As a singer songwriter I desire to deliver my heart on my sleeve the way they do.  I feel like no one else in music influences me as much as they do....<3

1. First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes. I have sooooo many memories tied to this song. I remember hearing it for the first time and crying. I remember seeing the video for the first time and crying harder. I love the beauty and simplicity that this song displays. I was the best man in my brothers wedding and I convinced my friend Stephen to play this song as a surprise during the toast. I married my friend Stephen after I fell in love with him watching him play this song. I love this song. I love Connor Oberst and his way with words. Check out Bright Eyes. You will not be disappointed. He may even contribute to you finding love!

first day of my life<--click her and watch the video

(I have no additional info)

So there you have it...The top 10 songs that have helped make me who I am today. Hope you enjoyed and as always thanks for reading!
And Remember...when it comes to music...JUST. PRESS. PLAY.

Gender Bending

Gender Bending

As a kid a have a very poignant first memory. My mother, a 23 year old 5'9" goddess of a woman, laying out back of our house in a bikini, covered in baby oil, sun bathing on a lawn chair. I was probably 3 or 4. I remember thinking she looked like a movie star with a navy bandanna holding her hair back, all thin and lean, with her gigantic tortoise glasses and pink Avon lipstick. I can hear the music buzzing in the back round out of an over-sized boom box. The smell of grass, freshly mowed. I can still remember sneaking off and trying to be discreet as I snuck into our neighbors garden. I was not allowed to play in the garden and the neighbor lady had told me repeatedly to keep away from the flowers, and the strawberries, which I stole daily.

I was pretending I was a mix between a snork (I' don't know why since they lived under water) and the Lucky Charms leprechaun and this was my magical kingdom. I had made tiny houses of twigs and the tops of the strawberries I had already eaten.   

Here are some snorks for those of you to young to know what I am talking about.

and the magical commercial.....lucky commercial

I had used bugs and whirly bird pods as the natives of my realm and I started pairing them off together to start their little magical families. And like it was yesterday I remember this thought.

I wonder if I will be like my mom or dad when I grow up. 

Both seemed like viable options and there were pros and cons either way. That is when I started walking the line.

Adolescence is a strange, strange time for some. I spent every waking hour outside of school playing some kind of sport until the sun set and I was called inside. Categorized as a tomboy, I was rough and dirty. I had the typical boys haircut from the late 80's early 90's that resembled an inverted bowl being placed on my head and I bit my nails. I had a very snazzy wardrobe of sports jerseys, t-shirts, and cut off jean shorts with the occasional pair of Umbros . I wore grubby sneakers and baseball caps and my posture was (and still is) abysmal. I looked like your run-of-the-mill 5th grade boy.  

that would be me in the seafoam green hypercolor shirt sitting down.

One day in summer after a softball game my babysitter took me to get ice cream from the Dairy Queen (now closed) off Prairie View near our suburb. (She was dating one of the boys who worked there). Everyone thought I was her little brother and she was too busy talking to her beau to say otherwise. All the girls behind the counter told me how cute I was and how I was going to be so hot in high school....they gave me winks and smiles and it was my first experience in flirting. I was 11...and a Boy?

Now don't get me wrong. I knew I was a girl. But I didn't correct them. I just smiled and walked out the door with an inflated sense of  self-worth that has been hard-pressed to be matched since that day.

By 7th grade not a lot had changed. Strangely, everyone just went with it. I don't ever remember being teased. Maybe it was just more accepted for a girl to have the characteristics of a boy than it was for a boy to have the characteristics of a girl, because I clearly remember a boy in a grade below me being hassled mercilessly for displaying traditional feminine behaviors.

I had a few crushes on boys in my class and a few crushes on celebrity hotties...(see To All the Boys I Loved Before in my posts for a real treat). I was tall enough that whatever female changes were happening were easily masked (90's fashion helped as well)and the only thing about my lack of girlish looks that deserved attention was the fact that I was flat chested. There was a poem the boys singsonged to me that went:

Roses are red,

Violets are black.

why is your chest as flat as your back?

It lasted about a week and then they were bored as it elicited zero response from me. My feelings were hurt actually, but mainly because some of of the singers were friends of mine. They later apologized and all seemed well.

I did drama competitions in middle school. There was an option to tryout for the lip sync division in the Regional Fine Art Competition held in Columbia, Missouri if you were already competing in another area. I was involved in duet improve with one of my best friends and he and I had won the local competition so we were already going, as were a couple of my other closest friends. Some of the girls and I (under the guidance of my very persuasive cousin and classmate) decided to tryout for the lip sync division to represent our school and we got it. We did Rhythm is a Dancer by Snap  

this song.

I got to be the male rapper....and I embraced this roll completely. On stage I strutted, pointed, raised my eye brows and acted exactly like I thought a really cool 13 year old boy would act. I wore my Mighty Ducks hat backwards, popped my cross colors collar and gave my inner boy time to shine. It worked...but not how I intended.

While waiting for results in the auditorium after the whole thing was over a giggly girl from another school came over to my friends and I and loudly informed me that her friend, name forgotten, wanted to go out with me (looks over her shoulder and some blonde girl waves and smiles).

Uhhhh. At first I think she is kidding. Then I realize that this girl also thought I was a boy. I remember making eye contact with my best friend and partner in improve and him raising his eyebrows. I knew he was thinking that I should play along. When was I ever going to see this girl again and I probably would set her up for serious harassment if I said I was actually just a really great male impersonator.

So I avoided her and all her giggly friends for what was left of the day and made it to our bus thinking I was finally safe. Out of no where, seriously first she wasn't there then suddenly she was, the blonde girl pops up in front of me with a note and put it into my hand....I smiled closed mouthed and walked around her and onto the bus. 

The note read "I think you are cute. I hope we see each other next year."

and it had a purple heart drawn on it.

I crumpled it up and threw it on the floor of the rented bus. I wish I hadn't.

In eighth grade I shaved my head...and discovered make-up. This was a stage even more awkward than the last. Suddenly I had an awareness about myself that I didn't just months before. By April of my eighth grade year I liked girly things like flower babydoll dresses (just another thing we can blame on Courtney Love) and nail polish on my stubby nails. I started wearing jewelry and realized shoes also came in less practical forms then sneakers (oh Mary Janes!)...I also had my first run in with a boy (older) who asked me out, based off looks (He had totally just met me an hour before). WHAT DID IT ALL MEAN?????  

But time never stands still and just like everyone else I was forced to go through all of these changes at lightning speed. So my freshman year started at a public high school (from 30 kids to 3000) and I stepped through the doors my first day of school wearing CK Jeans, Doc Martins and a crocheted cream tank top akin to a doily. I still had very short hair, but it had been complimented with mascara and matte red lipstick.  

I was swimming through a sea of people and things that were so foreign to me that I didn't have to worry about being singled out....I wasn't even noticed. I had a couple of friends from my neighborhood, but other than that, I didn't exist. There were a couple of boys I liked, and a couple dates, and a couple break ups. I was overwhelmed but was staying afloat. Then I had my first girl crush. She was in one of my classes. She was smarter, and prettier than I was. Everyone liked her and she had all the nicest things. She wore clothes like a model and her hair and make up were always perfectly groomed. She was also a better athlete than I was. Actually, she was pretty much everything I wished I could be. I pined after her with no clue as to what that meant. Obviously I wasn't going to tell her, I forgot to mention she had a boyfriend....and pretty much the douchiest guy I had ever known. So that was it. The crush ended and I moved on.

I had a language arts class with the world best teacher in all of history, Mrs. VonRuden. She was amazing. She let us watch MacGyver during free time. I had a perfect score in her class. One of the assignments was a book report on a love story. I read Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden. This book has floated on and off the banned book list in schools because it is about 2 young women falling in love. My book report was well thought out and I had even put together an illustrated cover and quotes from other love stories that supported the theme of the storyline. I received a perfect score plus bonus points for the extra work and length of my report. Then she said she was going to have people with the best reports read them out loud in class. She didn't call on me to read my report, she did however call me to stay behind after class. 

In the most compassionate tone she told me she didn't want me to be singled out and shunned or hurt because some people wouldn't understand why I read that book. She told me that my feelings were valid but that teenagers could suck and I still had several years left in school and she wanted them to be full of good memories. I got it.  

I realized that maybe things were't black and white. I couldn't explain my feelings but I hadn't grown up in a family that condemned homosexuality if that was what it was. I had an openly gay aunt and no one batted an eye. At least not that I had noticed, so I didn't feel the need to be ashamed of what ever it was going on in me. I did need some reassurance though.

It was pretty much perfect timing when that very aunt had come to visit at my dads. She was in the parlor checking out the fish and asking me about school and I just blurted out that I "like" liked a girl once.

She looked up from the fish tank and said, "was she cool?"

I nodded. 

She smiled and said. " You will "like" like a lot of people, Tammy."

um.....ok. What did that mean?

So that weekend when I caught my stepmom alone I started grilling her with scenarios that I thought would make them quit loving me....what if I murdered somebody? Would you still love me? What if I sold drugs? What if I got pregnant? (got the answer to that one) What if I dropped out of school? How about then? What if I liked a girl? Or loved her?

Her reaction was priceless...she smiled and said, parents will always love their children....oh. 

As I got older I continued to flow between quite feminine and pretty much the opposite of that. In my early 20's on Halloween I dressed as Charlie Chaplin and headed to Emerald City Night Club in Pensacola with one of my closest male friends at the time and his boyfriend. For those of you from Pensacola, you know how awesomely awesome Emerald City is, for the rest of you it is a primarily gay bar with Drag Shows that know no compare. I was hit-on more that night by men than the rest of every day of my life combined. Granted, they thought I was a guy as well, but there in lies the truth to this whole post. I was pretty much comfortable acting and dressing like a man for the evening. My friends got a kick out of it and I came to an understanding.

As I have grown into my skin I have come to realize it is pretty versatile. As is my heart. I don't think everyone comes in black and white. Male and female. Sometimes the grey is just as beautiful. I am the happiest I have even been and the most in love...My husband loves me as a grubby skate punk as much as he loves me when I whip out my heels and skirt and channel my inner model. He has never tried to classify me and I have learned to quit trying to classify myself. I believe this love is called unconditional.

this will provide a good laugh

click link^

So when I watch my son, who currently only plays with my little ponies and has a pink pony blanket on his bed I don't bat an eye. When my daughter takes up roller derby because she likes the clothes derby girls wear and has some pent up aggression she needs to get out, I give her a high 5. When my son grows out his hair or wears eye liner or paints his nails....I mean really, is that a big deal at all? And don't get me started on unicorns.

The character is in the core. The beauty is in the details.

Dream Catcher

Dream Catcher Part 1

 dream catcher noun:1) a person who carries their dreams in their back pocket until they can live them

2) person or thing that holds or blocks others dreams until proper time 

How to be your own Dream Catcher

As I kid, all I ever wanted to be was a musician. My mind is a music sundae of TV jingles and top 40 hits from the eighties, smothered in a 5 year punk rock dream, dripping with alternative/indie sauce, candy coated in 70's rock and Texas County, and sprinkled with popfolk. I do not remember birthdays or my anniversary, and I would be lucky to know what day it is...but throw me a music line and I will sing you the song.

I started piano early, but could play by ear so I was a horrible student. I think all my instructors kept me and tolerated my lack of theory progression because they knew how much I played, just not practiced. This worked out great for me because I started writing my own music about the same time. 98 percent of it sucked. 

I played Stairway to Heaven on the guitar during mass in middle school (don't judge). It was awesome, really. In the Miss Teen Kansas City Pageant I made it to the top 10. The final question was... Who is your idol and why? 9 out of 10 girls said their mother. I said Jimmy Paige, the guitarist for Led Zeppelin, because he was (like) the greatest guitarist of all time!(oh yeah). I did not win...I did however get second runner up. (giggle) 
It was sort of like that Miss Congeniality moment where I should have said world peace.

I started an all girls band in 8th grade called the Blue Daisys. We were horrible and lasted 3 practices while being taunted mercilessly by the neighbor boys...They know who they are.

I spent high school lunch in the commons playing Tori Amos on the piano (sorry) and I was also the annoying girl with a guitar and a cigarette on the walkway banging out gawd-awful covers of 90's grunge music. It's amazing I had any friends at all.

I even played in a punk band with the very boys who made fun of me and my girl band phase for a short time. They got good and I got pregnant...(that will be covered later). 

My point is that as a kid I wanted to be a musician. Hell, as an adult I want to be a musician. I just understand why I'm not now. I am officially living in the realm of Dream Catcher. Some of you may be living there to, and for that I am truly sorry. For most of us we will have to live here for a long time, maybe forever. Let me tell you how I got here. 

At seventeen, after a series of positive home-pregnancy tests I was told by a nurse at the Planned Parenthood Clinic in Gladstone, Missouri that I was going to be a mom. Cue face of disbelief....and end of my childhood.

I was suddenly in a very precarious situation. I was never on some fast track to Harvard and my extra curricular activities included working at a tanning salon, driving the beercart on weekends at Windbrook Country Club, playing shitty guitar and smoking cigarettes out in the woods by my house. In no way was I ready to become a reasonably responsible adult/provider. I wanted to be....(remember from up top) a musician.

So I did what every human does when they are faced with a decision that they dread...I avoided it. 

For a month or so I pretended everything was normal. I quit smoking so one of my girl friends made the connection pretty quick, but other than that life went on like before. I also quit eating Almond Joys for breakfast, but seriously, I just acted like no, I hadn't just skipped class last Tuesday and found out I was going to be possibly the least qualified parent in history. 

Then two things happened.

First, I was at school and had to pee again for like the millionth time that day so I made a b-line for the usually under-trafficked lunchroom bathroom post dining hours. There to my surprise was a girl who I had known since 4th grade summer crying her eyes out by the mirror. I actually tried to ignore her for a bit while I did my business but, since we had known each other for like 7 years I felt obligated to ask her what was wrong. Let's just say she ran with the "IN" crowd and me...well, not so much, so how could I possible help, right?

"I just had an abortion", she said.

Now what the hell life. Seriously. Like I didn't have enough shit on my plate they toss me Poppy McPopular and her "woe is me" schtick! Why was she even at school? Maybe I should just pretend I didn't hear her. I was not going to fall for it...but I ended up sitting on the dirty ass bathroom floor with her while she cried and I told her she wasn't an evil person and that I wouldn't tell anyone, ever. 

This is the kicker, the whole time I was telling her that it was going to be ok. That life would move on. That she wasn't a bad person. I think I was listening. Holy shit, it really wasn't the end of the world. Nine months maybe, but I knew for sure I didn't want to be like her, crying with remorse or regret, or whatever. I don't know if everyone feels that way, but I knew I would. I actually saw this girl at a shopping district in Kansas recently but she didn't recognize me or maybe didn't want to.

Second, I got dumped. Now normally this is a bad thing, but for me it forced me to face the reality of my situation. 17, alone, pregnant, and not a musician. Who would want to see me doing my singer/songwriter act with a belly the size of Montana? Could I even pay bills as a musician? How do musicians make money anyways?  Does it provide insurance? Babies need insurance, right? 

That was about the time I grew up. The day I made a decision to act for another before myself. So... I took a job at a daycare to learn about kids. Yep, a daycare.

(there is so much more to this story but I will save it for another blog)

I became my own Dream Catcher. I took that idea and vision of who I wanted to become and stuck it in my back pocket for a rainy day. I totally pull it out every once in a while when I have the opportunity to live in the moment....I hit up the occasional open mic night and singer song writer scene...I have a duet going with the hubs and we play out in town whenever a sitter can be found and the energy produced. I sing a mean karaoke version of the Darkness' song "I Believe in a thing called Love" that include both accent and dance moves, and I still write songs every now and again on the guitar and piano. 

My point is that maybe someday I will be living the dream of my 17 year old self...playing gigs in empty divebars, driving across the country in some shitty-ass van, smoking cigarettes and probably by now talking about my glory days....oh wait. So maybe my dream has evolved. Maybe, just like me it got a bit better with time. Maybe my 17 year old self likes that I used her passion and heart and threw them into other aspects of my life.

I can never catch time, get it back, or stop it... But I don't think that means I should let it get the best of me. We all get a very precious and limited amount.... Sometimes I think those crazy dreams we have about ourselves is what fuels our ability to maybe wrangle time and slow it down and enjoy it. So I will continue to be my own Dream Catcher....I'm only 34..... And I totally think it would be awesome to sail around the world... Maybe hitchhike South America... Or learn to fly... And I have always wanted to.......

Top 10 Things People Say to Me When They Find Out I Have 7 Kids

Top 10 Responses I get When I Say 7

At some point in life you have to be able to quit taking yourself seriously. For me, this is pretty much daily. I mean, sweet Mary and Joseph, why on earth would any human buy five 12 pack boxes or Cliffbars, eight 8 packs of Go-Squeeze, and 40 bananas AND 60 apples in one trip to the grocery store unless they had a herd of kids! Never mind all the damn deli meat! So one of the highlights of my life is watching how people respond to the size of my brood. You are right, it is absolutely insane that I have so many! Please tell me how crazy you think I am because,... I like just met you 23 seconds ago.

So for a good laugh this morning here is my top 10 things people say to me when they find out I have 7 kids and what I reply (in my head) Because for the record, I always just smile back (With the exception to number 10)....Counting down to my all time favs!

10. You know what prevents that, right? 
No?(then I make confused face)

9. Are you Catholic?
Seriously, How many damn Catholics nowadays are having 7 kids? I mean, I am sure there has got to be some kind of poll or census or something, but I doubt they are topping the charts over about 4....Really...Besides the family on TV with like 33 kids is anyone else doing this because of faith? Anyone, Bueller....Bueller?

and for the record my kids have never ever all smiled at the same time for a family pic...

8. Are there any multiples?

NO! I was pregnant like almost 7 years of my life....no really...people graduate from college faster than the time it took me to create all my children. Drink you latte and quit looking at me.

7. I bet it is so fun! (smiles with thumbs up look in their eyes)

Uh, what are you on? Fun? There are definitely fun moments to be sure, but for the most part it is routine and running. So much running!....Just call me Forrest, Forrest Gump.

that is me and my brood

6. Do you ever get any time alone?

I'm at the grocery store, aren't I! Oh, you mean, time alone to relax? Bwaha! Bwahahahaha..... Bwahahahahahahahah!!!! Oh, my aching side!

5. I bet your grocery bill is CRAZY!

I know most all the checkout gals/gents at Target, Walmart, and Price Chopper by name. I have one girl who saves the coffee,formula and diaper coupons at the register for me. I have to take 2 trips a week and fill my car up both times. I don't look at the bill....I choose ignorance and bliss!

4. You don't look old enough to have that many kids.
Thanks?....I discovered the fountain of youth which is a stocking cap, no makeup, and some Vans.....grubby teen or mother of 7, you decide.

3.Are they all yours?
Who says that? Yes they are all mine. I just said I had 7 kids....Oh you mean did I birth them all....next question.

2. Did you HAVE ALL of them?
Don't look at me with that cast of terror in your eyes...yes, I had all of them....I even had them with out pain meds (first birth excluded)...How do you like me now? Oh, sorry, you are still uncomfortable for me.

and the most often and best response....

1. I can hardly manage my 1 (2, 3...) child!

Did I say I was managing anything? I am hangin' on by a thread! Besides....no matter what or how many children any of us have, it is just a game of trial and error...seriously, I bet you are doing a great job! Look at your snot-faced rugrat gazing at you in adoration!

So there you have it....my top ten things people say to me when they hear I have 7 kids! Hope you enjoyed and keep up the good fight friends....because being a parent is not for the weak of heart!