That Being Said

So yeah, it's a new year. I am no different than most when I say I too have grand ideas to better myself, my life, and my surroundings. I also want to look 10 years younger, eat all the peanut butter I want without gaining weight, and have our soon to be released debut album get written up in Pitchfork (I would take shitty or positive reviews as I am not picky). All of those are probably not in my stars but I do think this will be the year I clean up my act.

Now before I get called out for being a hypocrite and all and people start coming out of the woodwork yelling back at me my favorite saying "no one likes a quitter, Tammy"....let me just say I am not going all straight edge or whatever.... I won't suck the joy out of your party (anymore than I already do), and I will still most likely insist that my neighbors are wrong and I can play music as loud as I want when ever I want...(just not past midnight as that is the rule here)....but man, I am tired. Literally...and in every sense of the word. Mind, heart, body....all those guys. And I think I finally realize I have done it to myself.

I think a couple years back I had gotten pretty secure in who I was as a person, what I represented, maybe what I stood for. I am not really a fighter but I think I have some fight in me and even was delusional enough to believe I had enough conviction to be my true self. Now I don't even know what that means. I was maybe a bit judgmental for all the wrong reasons and not scrupulous enough in my own stance to really be very reliable in my personal convictions.

Ok that was wordy as fuck but what I am trying to say is maybe it is time I actually became truly accountable for my speech, my thoughts, and my actions. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have been throwing my middle finger up at the man for years...Truth is, I AM the MAN. I married an engineer for pete's sake...I live in the burbs. I drive an SUV. I use night creme!!!!!! That doesn't mean I can't be authentic, it means that by fighting this lifestyle I haven't actually been authentic. Do I have to give up cussing...probably not, but then again I shouldn't get blitzed at a post funeral meal and drop the F-bomb on unsuspecting long distance family members.... no I wasn't being mean or hateful...just a jackass.

And maybe 

isn't always the best action.....
What I am saying is that maybe now is just the time I have been waiting my whole life for. ...
Maybe I am finally ready to really look at who I am and what I can do....and do it. So yes this is a completely pointless post but as I am starting to tackle this blog again, thought i would give it a new beginning!
So again...welcome back and please join me while I am Anchored in Roam.